Better Together

They say that interrupted sleep creates poor moods, but
it isn't true.  I tossed and turned all night; so did you.

We turned into each other, clasping hands,
legs wrapped, entwined.  We danced all night.

Our movements would pull each other out of slumber
just enough to elicit a kiss, to snuggle deeper, to whisper

"I love you."

Statistically, we slept horribly.
Romantically--beautifully.

I love our broken sleep.  Nothing makes me more whole.
Your constant presence at night makes our separation
by day bearable.  I have memories of last night to
keep me daydreaming happily, until we are together again.

It's so much better when we're together.

Braden

You were the culmination of my joy.
Filled with too much love
And gratitude, I had to split
Myself in two.

As you grew, so did I.
We read Maya Angelou
And ate strawberries
After our morning yoga.

Against conventional wisdom, we
Bathed in the sun.
To your father's horror, we
Rollerbladed downhill.

What can I say, you were
Fearless even then.
Your light and sense of adventure
Radiated through me.

I knew you would be the last
Baby I'd have. Knew each of your
Firsts would be my last.
Yet I never feared your fierce
Independence: when you'd
Crawl up in my lap, it was as
Though you never left.

You are my fearless heart.
My joy. my boy.

Dakota

I read Winnie the Pooh
Over and over,
Bought a new snow white book
With stark artistry,
Traded coffee for green tea,
Cigarettes for meditation.
In anticipation for my bundle,
I filled my head with joy.

You loved classical music,
Jumping and bounding
Against the steering wheel.

You made me stutter, so
Engrossed was I in making you.
I was lost in the mystery
Of growing a human.

And when you finally came,
Gentle and quiet,
Ancient wisdom in your eyes,
We gathered in awe
At what your aunt Darla called
The second coming.

Were you loved? oh yes, son.

Fear

Encapsulates.
Threatens to turn
Songbirds into harpies.

Destroys.
Eats the core of a
Man from the inside out,
Rots him like an apple.

Revitalizes.
Helps the wise
Determine what is worth
Keeping, and what is better
Left discarded.

Lost and Found

They both love to get lost:
He in the woods,
She in a crowd.
Yet they tried to be found.
Another stab at heartache,
Both braced for heartbreak.

What they didn't count on was an earthshake:
An avalanche of truisms,
An endless barrage of "me too"s and " no way"s and "I get that" s.
They weren't expecting to find so fast
Anyone worth holding, any love worth finding.
Yet here they are.

He can lift her with one arm,
She can melt him with a kiss.
When they touch, each strong and soft,
They marvel at their perfect fit.
They cook together, shower together,
Join the local birds for chatter and morning coffee.
They kayak out to catch sunsets.

Mostly, though, they stare into each
Other's eyes, amazed at what they find,
Especially after they've both
Lost so much.

Now found, they can't wait to get lost.
This time, together.

Happy

Happiness is subjectivity,
glass half-full
redemption
curving toward
greater complexities
denying oversimplification
for common ground, universal
chaos, chasing ghosts from
yesterday, seeking phantasms
of tomorrow. Your searching is futility.
Fruitless sorrow
haunts society.
Aimless gains are elusive.

Elusive are gains, aimless.
Society haunts sorrow.
Fruitless futility is searching your
tomorrow of phantasms--
seeking yesterday from
ghosts, chasing chaos,
universal ground
common for oversimplification
denying complexities-- greater
toward curving redemption, full.
Half-glass subjectivity is happiness.

Perfect Stranger

I'm a mystery
to myself incapable
of being someone else
I'm afraid of breaking
this mirror I've been
hiding behind

I put on warpaint
to hide all
my flaws and hope
the concealer works
inside out

I'm afraid you'll see
through the layers
of deceit and find
the stranger I've
left behind

The me you see
is a veneer covering
layers of guilt and
lies.

 I've made a sculpture
of myself.


encasing the real
me deep within this game
of hide and seek
reduces me to
a mirage

just when I catch
a glimmer of
myself
I watch for
your reaction.