Gossamer

For some of us, childhood only grants

A ghost of a chance, a gossamer

Thread of truth and right in the midst

Of the stony silent cave of our lives,

Lined with dank walls dripping with empty

Promises and forgotten dreams.

In the cold and all alone, leaning

Against the hard walls that line

All we know of life, we must

Ignore the dripping water, the formation

Of the staligmites.  All movement

Leads to  stagnance all around us.

We must close our eyes and hold

Out our hands, feeling for the spiderweb

Strand of hope, careful

neither to let it fall from our grasp,

nor to hold too tightly, making it snap,

dropping the end in the muck

losing, forever, the line that spells

freedom of the soul, freedom from

fear, freedom from the desolation

we see around us, freedom from the

isolation that haunts us. 

That single thread of truth holds the

Promise of nights not lying in stoic

Silence, afraid of the boogeyman

Waiting to snatch our dreams the

Second we awaken

within our Subconscious. We must

hold that thread with brave tears

and trust that we will not always

feel alone and not quite of this world.

Heartbreaker

My heart catches in my throat when I think of you.
Your face in an upturned smile next to me in the car.
Time won't erase the twinkle in your eye, the freckles dotting your face.
You are a snapshot pinned to my heart.

I hear your giggles, a spectral sound.
You haunt me.
You light up my world,
even though you're rarely around.

Your crunchy socks still dot my floor.
You left tabasco on the table.
Tiny morsels laying around
beckoning me to find my way home.

I can't go back to who I was,
and I know that's changed you now, too.
The rift caused by my leaving
can't be bridged by our favorite songs.

Still, we jam on.
In the car, doing 80,
for a second we're still the same.
I'm your mom, and you're my kid.
Sometimes nothing's changed.

Then I have to take you home.
The faded lights from my past
bring me back to now.

I wish I could make you whole again.
I wish I could heal me too.

I cry when you're here.
I cry when you're gone.
I cry when it seems like
nothing is wrong.

Still, we jam on.

Better Together

They say that interrupted sleep creates poor moods, but
it isn't true.  I tossed and turned all night; so did you.

We turned into each other, clasping hands,
legs wrapped, entwined.  We danced all night.

Our movements would pull each other out of slumber
just enough to elicit a kiss, to snuggle deeper, to whisper

"I love you."

Statistically, we slept horribly.
Romantically--beautifully.

I love our broken sleep.  Nothing makes me more whole.
Your constant presence at night makes our separation
by day bearable.  I have memories of last night to
keep me daydreaming happily, until we are together again.

It's so much better when we're together.

Braden

You were the culmination of my joy.
Filled with too much love
And gratitude, I had to split
Myself in two.

As you grew, so did I.
We read Maya Angelou
And ate strawberries
After our morning yoga.

Against conventional wisdom, we
Bathed in the sun.
To your father's horror, we
Rollerbladed downhill.

What can I say, you were
Fearless even then.
Your light and sense of adventure
Radiated through me.

I knew you would be the last
Baby I'd have. Knew each of your
Firsts would be my last.
Yet I never feared your fierce
Independence: when you'd
Crawl up in my lap, it was as
Though you never left.

You are my fearless heart.
My joy. my boy.

Dakota

I read Winnie the Pooh
Over and over,
Bought a new snow white book
With stark artistry,
Traded coffee for green tea,
Cigarettes for meditation.
In anticipation for my bundle,
I filled my head with joy.

You loved classical music,
Jumping and bounding
Against the steering wheel.

You made me stutter, so
Engrossed was I in making you.
I was lost in the mystery
Of growing a human.

And when you finally came,
Gentle and quiet,
Ancient wisdom in your eyes,
We gathered in awe
At what your aunt Darla called
The second coming.

Were you loved? oh yes, son.

Fear

Encapsulates.
Threatens to turn
Songbirds into harpies.

Destroys.
Eats the core of a
Man from the inside out,
Rots him like an apple.

Revitalizes.
Helps the wise
Determine what is worth
Keeping, and what is better
Left discarded.

Lost and Found

They both love to get lost:
He in the woods,
She in a crowd.
Yet they tried to be found.
Another stab at heartache,
Both braced for heartbreak.

What they didn't count on was an earthshake:
An avalanche of truisms,
An endless barrage of "me too"s and " no way"s and "I get that" s.
They weren't expecting to find so fast
Anyone worth holding, any love worth finding.
Yet here they are.

He can lift her with one arm,
She can melt him with a kiss.
When they touch, each strong and soft,
They marvel at their perfect fit.
They cook together, shower together,
Join the local birds for chatter and morning coffee.
They kayak out to catch sunsets.

Mostly, though, they stare into each
Other's eyes, amazed at what they find,
Especially after they've both
Lost so much.

Now found, they can't wait to get lost.
This time, together.